rubistudios.com

I found this list, in my handwriting, stuffed between a stack of less important papers in a crate I pulled out of storage. The list has no title (I do this frequently). Rubio Carbon Dating shows it originated somewhere between 1989 and 1991. My recent comments in italics.

• Alliteration
• The Muppets
• Joe Shaboo
• 5¢ candies that make a whistle noise
• Lake George
• My $10 welfare flea market guitar
• Rueban Kinkaid [the fish, not the band manager]
• Rock Garden
• Getting my period before it gets me
• Cigarettes & Coffee
• Holly [most likely the sister and not the plant]
• Kenny Rogers [the gambler, not the roaster]
• Biting my toenails
• Fun flavored coffee and tea
• Eargasms
• Peach Clearly Canadian–like swallowing liquid velvet
• Paperbag mountains
• Gay men playing volleyball in Cheeseman Park
• Dreams
• Tao of Pooh
• A can of Coke
• The flowers in the alley
• Farts that make your buttcheeks clap
• Wilbur Murkey
• Candy Corns and Chemical Bonds

Do you have anything to add?

But first, a photo of how they serve the pickled veg at Bardsley’s fish and chips in Brighton, England.

Move over film and nailpolish, you got nothing on me.  Here is a sample of some of the stranger things I have had to store in my refridgerators over the course of my career:

• breast milk (not mine)
• cooked whale (from Bequia–where it is legal to hunt whales old school style) (never ate it)
• TDS life caulk (black)
• Catalyzed Awlgrip (with brush, covered with rubber glove)
• West System Epoxy (active)
• Paper pulp with glitter and Indonesian spices
• Birth Control Pills (not mine)
• Birth control ring (not mine)
• Bait

All of this looking at food, drawing food packages, researching what we eat, gluing onto plates, etc  isn’t getting me where I need to be, so I decided to take a different approach…

• 2 batches pesto with basil from my garden
• 13 jars of jalapeno jelly (I grew the jalepenos from a special salmonella free plant)
• Fancy tuna salad
• Greek garbanzo salad
• 2 batches Cierpoux (granola type cereal)
• Spinach tomato pesto Risotto (with homemade stock)

Recipes for any of the above provided upon request.

I’ll start with a pretty basic list and you can add on;

• rubber chicken
• anything with the word chicken
• quiet irony
• Mr. Deity
• whoopee cushions
• Things that sound like whoopee cushions
• Sarah Haskins
• The word “poop” spoken repeatedly by anyone under the age of 7 or over the age of 70

Before the bases for the kitchen cabinets go in, I thought it was pretty important to hide a treasure tin for a future homeowner.

• one slice pasteurized processed cheese flavored food product embroidered with the words “got milk” (at least 18 months old)
• one green feather from a boa
• mixed tape labeled “unknown 1994″, made by Nikki Lindheimer
• one slide
• three business cards
• floppy disc
• tool from white board assembly
• one Bahamian dollar
• five foreign coins
• shell
• nail file
• one miniature rubber chicken (plastic)
• police badge
• list made by my mom of gift money for me
• two foreign stamps
• adhesive bandage strip
• pink cotton fabric embroidered with the word “slogan”
• bobby pin
• sears credit card
• auto club card
• store club card
• expired gift card
• touch pad from a cell phone (found on street of Brighton, England)
• label from vintage linen towel
• car insurance verification, expired
• package rusty sewing needles, one threaded
• miniature hot sauce jar, no lid
• green plastic army man
• bar receipt from cheap cruise with a cartoon on back (circa 2005)
• plastic piece from wire shelf assembly
• stereo remote control that hopefully isn’t the one for the truck
• yellow fabric sunburst embroidered with the words “Goes with everything.”
• snarky note addressed to finder of tin

(Handsome husband’s head is not included in the tin.) Here in the tin in place, about to be buried.

Here are some stats to give you an idea of what I have been up to:

Miles traveled by sea since 1 Sept 2008: 9,812

Days off since 1 August: 11 (i don’t get weekends)

Countries visited: Bahamas, Bermuda, Azores (Portugal),Gibraltar, Italy, Malta, England (plane), Egypt, Oman, Maldives

Ovens killed: 2

Number of Christmas turkeys cooked in a toaster oven: 2

Most frequently used appliance: Mavis

Hours spent watching Gilmore Girls episodes: 119

Best books read: “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert; “Water for Elephants” by Sara Greun
What I miss most: my house, making art not food, having a life, Taco Bell

The version on the top is a tomato, the bottom is in the sidewalk in Horta.

The eight points on the cross represents the following 8 virtues:

• Loyalty
• Piety
• Frankness
• Bravery
• Glory and honour
• Contempt of death
• Helpfulness towards the poor and the sick
• Respect for the church

Things about Toronto:

• It is very cold in June
• and over cast
• our friends live there
• hot dog vendors sell veggie dogs
• lots of vintage shops
• and Lush
• always free gravy

1: Noelle in her sartorial splendor as a copper fountain at the Sidewalk Art Fest. It isn’t the most practical outfit, but I think she probably collected a few pennies by the end of the day (and her arms must be pretty tired!)

2: Liz Phair. Someone called to invite us to a Cinco de Mayo party (I can’t believe it is almost May already!), which got me singing the song from Whip Smart. While cleaning and cooking, and wiring we listened to Whip Smart and Exile in Guyville, loudly, as they are meant to be done. Thanks, Liz.

3: Summer veggies. I know it isn’t summer yet, but I bought some corn and tomatoes today. They are far from the top of their game, but they smell so divine.. and then with fresh basil from the deck…yum.

from the driver’s seat, during a car wash

A list of things that take up all of my time: